I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
