Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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