Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you didnt know i had herpes?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
