dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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