ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
