in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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