plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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