i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
