Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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