11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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