u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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