Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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