help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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