After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
