so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
