why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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