It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
