I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
