new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
