guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
soo... how was my night?
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