I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this is an emotional support booty call
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
