Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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