I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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