omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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