six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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