I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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