Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
