I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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