I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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