while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
