Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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