My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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