On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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