The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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