Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't turn off my feet"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize