FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
