there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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