Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
