i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize