look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
