I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
