Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
