i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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