I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
