i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
