If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
