it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i love accidental penises.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize