my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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