I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
