he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
