He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
