I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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