Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
