video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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