You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
