Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
