Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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