Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
