I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
