The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
