i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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