i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
