You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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