a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
