I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
