I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't turn off my feet"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
