the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
