he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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