There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
