We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
