Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
