I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
